Entry 3: 25 pieces of advice Pt.2
Hello!
This week’s blog is going to be a continuation of last week's. If you haven’t read that one, feel free to check it out! But here is a quick recap: last summer, I wrote down 25 pieces of advice before my 25th birthday. I covered half of the list last week, and this week is the rest, so here we go!
Take the trip.
This is perfect advice, and I take it all the time, considering I’m currently in London! Last year, I decided to solo-travel Europe for six months, and it was totally life-changing. (I sound like every college kid you know that went abroad for 6 weeks, but it's true!) I met so many amazing people, gained incredible memories, and truly evolved as a person. All of this is to say: take the trip! If you don’t have people to go with you, go alone. Going and giving it a fair try is worth it. It’s better to try and see how you like it than to always regret not doing it.
Become comfortable with being alone.
Once you decide to take the solo trip, you’ll really have to become comfortable with being alone. Not going to lie, it’s awkward and uncomfortable at first. Although I’m referencing solo trips, this applies to everything. It’s hard being left alone with your thoughts, and I think that’s why so many people avoid it. But it’s important to work through it and allow it to happen.
In high school and college, I struggled with doing the most basic tasks alone — running errands, studying, grabbing a sweet treat, etc. Those things are fun with people, but relying on others can keep you from becoming confident doing them on your own. I used to bribe my brother to go to Dairy Queen with me because I didn’t want to go alone. Mostly because I was afraid the 16‑year‑old worker would judge me and I’d feel lonely.
The time you spend alone is when you learn the most about who you are. It’s hard to sit with your thoughts because they can become all-consuming. Obviously, you should spend time with friends and family, but building in alone time is necessary. You gain new levels of confidence when you spend time alone. When I travel alone, I eat meals by myself at restaurants. I used to feel weird about it, but not anymore. It’s oddly freeing. I now want to start taking myself on solo dates in Charlotte and explore new places on my own!
Never forget about your friends when you get in a relationship.
This is a hill I will forever die on. Phoebe Buffay said it best: “Boyfriends and girlfriends are going to come and go, but — this is for life.” She was talking about friendships, and she was right.
Romantic relationships will come and go, but your friends will always be by your side — through the good, the bad, the celebrations, the heartbreak, and everything in between. If you neglect them because you spend all your time with your partner, you can’t expect them to always be there.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t prioritize your partner, but there has to be balance. I cherish my friendships like I cherish my family. I can’t imagine my life without them, and I can’t imagine setting them aside just because I got into a relationship.
Take this as your sign to reach out to a friend you haven’t seen in a while and ask them to go on a walk. Maintaining friendships matters, you never know when you’ll really need them.
It’s okay if you want something different than your family.
Cue “You’re Gonna Go Far” by Noah Kahan or “You’re on Your Own, Kid” by Taylor Swift. I am probably the definition of wanting something different than my family. I grew up in Indiana and left the second I graduated college. I moved 8.5 hours away and have zero intention of moving back. I also took a year off work to travel.
Did this go over well with my parents? No. Were there many conversations where they tried to change my mind? Yes. Did they eventually support me once they realized they couldn’t change my mind? Also yes.
It’s hard to break the mold and do something new. Many people stay close to home or in careers they don’t enjoy because that’s what their parents did or because they don’t know what else to do. If that’s what you want, great — live your life. But if you feel drawn to a new city or a different path, explore it. You can always move back. Life is too short to constantly ask “what if.”
Let them.
Mel Robbins has a podcast and book about this theory. This phrase encourages people to stop trying to control others’ thoughts, actions, and emotions, and instead focus on controlling your own.
If I could control other people’s actions and emotions, that would be amazing. But, sadly, that’s not how life works. We have to deal with rude and inconsiderate people and move on. You can’t change who they are. The only thing you can control is yourself.
If something at work is annoying you and you’re having a bad day, only you can change the outcome. It’s easy to let little things ruin your whole day, but it’s not that serious. You can control how you feel. If you don’t want something to bother you, don’t let it. The sooner you realize you can’t fix or control other people, the easier life becomes.
Communicate your feelings.
I am awful at this. I hate being vulnerable. I’m not confrontational and would rather internalize something until I’m over it than tell someone they upset me. Do I need to work on this? Yes. But for now, do as I say, not as I do.
It’s important to communicate your feelings; whether you’re developing romantic feelings and are nervous to say so, your friend hurt you deeply, or your partner upset you and you don’t want to start a fight. You need to tell them. You’ll feel so much better once you get it off your chest. It creates a more open line of communication and a safe space for them to express themselves too.
Mind reading isn’t real. How is someone supposed to know they upset you? Because you avoided eye contact? No — tell them. If they aren’t receptive, then you either need to talk it through or accept that they weren’t meant to stay in your life. Life is too short not to be honest.
Don’t chase after someone who says they don’t want to be with you.
This one is a tough pill to swallow. How could someone not want to be with you? You’re obviously perfect.
But seriously, it’s important to hear someone the first time they say this. There is nothing worse than begging for someone to treat you the way you deserve. If they aren’t ready for something serious and you are, move on. If they say they aren’t interested, move on. It really is that simple.
We love making excuses for people and pretending something is more than it is. I’m guilty of that; acting like a guy is the best person ever and you’ve met your husband when he only Snapchats you and you’ve never met his friends. Yeah babe, he’s not the one. I hate that my blog broke the news to you.
You deserve someone who screams their love for you from the rooftops. Someone who puts in effort and wants to spend time with you. Stop trying to convince someone you’re worthy of their affection. You’re better off alone than chasing someone who doesn’t want you.
Call your family.
Earlier this year, I realized I hadn’t called my grandparents in probably three years. I’d spoken to them when I was home, but only because my mom called them. I hadn’t put in the effort myself. So I picked up the phone and called my Grandma and Grandpa, and we talked for 45 minutes. It was great. Something so simple meant so much to me and probably them too.
We take people for granted because we assume they’ll always be there. I call my parents and sister frequently, but I rarely call my brother. Mostly because he’s a busy college sophomore and barely answers the phone. But that’s no excuse. I need to put in more effort.
Unfortunately, it takes losing people in your life to realize how much you’ve taken others for granted. Go call a family member you haven’t spoken to in a while. A phone call is so much more meaningful than a text.
It’s always better to be the bigger person.
Treating people with kindness is so important. You never know what someone is going through. Even if they annoy you, treat them with kindness and be the bigger person. Additionally, who knows what they could be going through and why they may be behaving that way. That’s not really an excuse, but it is an explanation. I always do my best to be kind and considerate to others, even if they don’t deserve it. I have never regretted being nice to someone, but I know I would regret not being kind.
Clothes are supposed to fit you — not the other way around.
I’ve kept so many pieces of clothing that don’t fit me anymore because I want to fit back into them someday. Wearing jeans that are too tight because I don’t want to admit I’ve gone up a size. Wanting to stay as small as possible instead of accepting that my body has changed.
I have hips, curves, boobs, and I’m not 16 anymore! My body has changed. We need to wear clothes that fit us and make us comfortable. That’s what creates confidence, not squeezing into something too small. All that will do is remind you that your body doesn’t look that way anymore. Your body is beautiful the way it is. Going up a size and feeling comfortable is so much better.
If you’re unhappy, only you can fix it.
You know the phrase “you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped”? It’s true. People can’t help you if you aren’t willing to help yourself. Only you can make the changes in your life to improve it.
If you’re unhappy at work, you’re the one who has to apply for new jobs or talk to your boss. If you’re unhappy where you live, you’re the one who has to apply for new apartments. You have all the power to change your life. You can have a whole community of people there to support you and help you with every step of the way, but that doesn’t matter if you aren’t willing to do the work yourself.
We make a lot of excuses to not do things, but that’s all it is, an excuse. I can discipline myself to improve the different parts of my life that I want to change, but that’s all on me, and nobody else. You have all the tools, now you just need to use them.
Unfollow toxicity.
Every once in a while, I unfollow people on Instagram because I realize I don’t know them or their posts bother me. I was intentionally putting myself in situations that frustrated me for no reason. I unfollowed accounts I thought were dumb, situationships that hurt me, and people I disagreed with on every level. I have no regrets on any of it because I did what I needed to do to enjoy MY social media feed again.
Go through your followings and get rid of people that you don’t care to interact with anymore. Wouldn’t that be really awkward if my follower count goes down by like 100 tonight, oh well!
Write down important stuff — on paper — and remember where you put it.
I learned this the hard way. My phone was stolen at a bar, and I realized I knew NOTHING. I had three phone numbers memorized and one password. Luckily, my friends got me home and I had a work phone I could use to call my mom.
But in that moment, I realized how much I relied on my phone for every single piece of information in my life. I didn’t know my bank passwords or any of my friends phone numbers.
After this experience, I realized I really needed to start writing stuff down and not saving everything on my phone. So add this to your to do list, because you never know when you might need it!
I hope you enjoyed this and use some of this advice. Bare minimum, please write down your important information somewhere safe.
Enjoy your week, and I’ll see you next time.
Sincerely,
Courtney